some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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