You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
