so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize