Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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