i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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