You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
