So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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