we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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