haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
