How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
