he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
