I am full of burrito and curiosity
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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