Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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