When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We named our party play list daddy issues
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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