On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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