just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
