dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
