I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize