I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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