she told me i tasted like america
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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