I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
