dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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