He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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