thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize