doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
