I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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