Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
