I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
