Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
