Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
