Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
