He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
