i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
