allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
