I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
