I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
