Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize