I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
