Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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