I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
