Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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