I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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