So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize