i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
