So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His nipple licking is glorious
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