he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
