Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
