I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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