sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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