Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
