Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize