Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
