a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
