I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Randomize
