Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
MIDGETS
????
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
