"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
