I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
