He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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