why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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