don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
