Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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