Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize