im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
