At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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