Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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