Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize
