dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
