Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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