Soap is not a condiment
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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