She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
