Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
