So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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