Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
