Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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