Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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