Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
