There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
