Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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