youre lurking in front of me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
