Quick, to the slutcave!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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