I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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