I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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