I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
