Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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