Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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